A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress.
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead.
Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin.
She did… And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.
"Now… Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.
"Now. Tell him you have a headache."
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Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee:
Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?" Customer: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." Support: "What sort of trouble?"
Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.",
Support: "Went away?"
Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" Customer: "Nothing."
Customer: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" Customer: "How do I tell?"
Support: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" Customer: "What's a sea-prompt?"
Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
Customer: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."
Support: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?" Customer: "What's a monitor?"
Support: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?" Customer: "I don't know."
Support: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?" Customer: "Yes, I think so."
Support: "Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."
Customer: "Yes, it is."
Support: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
Support: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."
Customer: "Okay, here it is."
Support: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."
Customer: "I can't reach."
Support: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
Customer: "No." Support: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
Customer:"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."
Customer: "Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."
Support: "Well, turn on the office light then."
Support: "No? Why not?"
Customer: "Because there's a power outage."
Support: "A power A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"
Customer: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
Support: "Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."
Customer: "Really? Is it that bad?"
Support: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
Customer: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?" Support: "Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer."
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